- Pronouns
- he / him / his
HEM Tiberius Frollo
Managing Editor
A local man in a rural township of Europeia has made waves by saying he would be rich if he had the determination do any single thing as consistently as Kraketopia has failed to create the international paper.
"Any single thing," the man said while taking a swig out of his whiskey bottle. "If I sung that consistently, I'd be a pop artist. If I wrote that consistently, I'd be a best-selling writer. If I had sex that consistently, I'd be a porn star."
Kraketopia was appointed the formal head of Europeia's international paper approximately twenty-seven years ago. Babies were conceived, and born, with the hope that one day Europeia would have a game-renowned international paper. These babies have since gone through puberty, had their first kiss, graduated from community college, and got scammed by DeVry University in the time that Europeia has waited for an international paper.
In the previous election, concerned citizens suggested that perhaps someone new should take control of the project—citing several generations of failure.
Then-candidate Calvin Coolidge laughed off this ludicrous idea, saying that only he and Kraketopia could make it work.
There are many people we talked to across Europeia who didn't realize an international paper was still in the works. Many believed it was simply an urban legend, passed down from father to son, mother to daughter. These Europeians expressed shock that it remained an actual policy item that has been promised to be delivered in this millennia.
"My father always told me about the international paper," 32-year-old investment banker Charles Roth said. "He would sing me these soothing songs to help me sleep about an energetic staff that would create compelling content under the brave leadership of Kraketopia."
"Of course," Roth said, "It was only just a story."
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